I ingested a lot of pills with the intent of sleeping it off. Turns out my metabolism is such that my body is not quite ready to cave to the impulsive nature of my grief. Perhaps I am fortunate. I did call my brother when all else that I thought I could avail did certainly fail for a last time.
Today was Mother’s day and I celebrated my own, and did honor the mother of my children thought the reality did bring me grief knowing what we once did honor with each other has taken new paths. I know there is a love that I had long forgotten, a different affection that could never merit a once passionate embrace with one another. We had for many years become a couple of discontent so now we do embark upon our lives.
However, in that reality this targeted date was still quite difficult. I have a medical issue that needs to be addressed sooner than later and so rather than go in to the hospital and bring attention to myself instead of allowing her to be celebrated by our children I did wait and will find some resolve for my pain tomorrow.
There is much pain in my mind tonight, this morning, but I did reach out and I did find resolve in knowing I do have a life ahead of me, a good one that it certainly would be sad to simply throw away.
Good night moon.