I’ve wanted to take my life for quite some time now. Well over 40 years, the thought has crossed my mind. This isn’t a cry for help. This is me trying to figure out what to do. I am a burden upon people. Oh indeed, I do give people rewards on their own lives, but when it comes to the people I am closest, I will continue to hurt them whether here or gone.
So I try to weigh the differences.
I am in financial ruin, and there is really no way out. I have struggled with this to varying degrees, but more recently it has begun to build and knife away at my soul. I don’t have a solution, and have not found one and I do not anticipate one in the near future.
I am unable to function in my job. I don’t know how many times I can find the will to overcome my deficiencies. Right now as I sit here, I’m tired, and I haven’t the energy to keep pushing forward. I don’t feel I have the ability, though most will say I do. I’m so incredibly depressed I just cannot think straight, and it impacts everything in my life.
I’m lonely, terribly so – this is my own fault for cutting people off in my life.